I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
