just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
