Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Floor bacon is actually really good
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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