i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
