I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Randomize
