Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize