The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
