smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Randomize
