Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
