I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
