I showed him my bush... on skype.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
