There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize
