I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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