The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
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