she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Can you bring me the toilet please
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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