I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Randomize
