if you like me you must not know who I am
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
