Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
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