i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Randomize
