I hope mine doesn't look like that
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
