Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Randomize
