Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
Too much gin, very little bucket
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Randomize
