i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
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