He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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