At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
