we have pet lesbian snakes
No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize