like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
We got so high we made milksteak
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize