I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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