today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
So vagazzling was a success
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
