eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
