doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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