her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Randomize
