dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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