This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
