you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Randomize
