This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
