I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
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