Umm I'm too high to move.
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Randomize
