ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
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