I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
