You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
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