you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
