I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
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