My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
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