DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Randomize
