She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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