ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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