What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
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