I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Randomize