Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
