I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
