I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
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