i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
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