she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Randomize
