I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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