i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
