Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
just tell him i said nine months
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
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