Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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