Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
