I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
