ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
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