we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
