I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
