just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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