Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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