Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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