Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
