I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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