were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Randomize
