the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Randomize
